Staircase

Have you ever been kind of zoned out while walking around somewhere? Sometimes I do this. I'm completely in another world and paying no attention to what I'm doing and where I'm going. I used to do this at my school all of the time. I'd start off on the upper level and I'd just start walking around. A few minutes later and "snap back" into reality and realize that, without even being aware of it, I had migrated to the lower level.

My depression often manifests itself in a similar form. I just start mindlessly wandering around, and without even knowing what I'm doing I start going down and down and further down until I've reached the bottom. And I don't even remember getting there at all.

Sometimes, like today, however, when I "snap back" and realize where I'm at, I'm not quite at the bottom. I'm like three-fourths of the way down - or at least this time I am. I've kind of stopped, looked up, looked down, and then looked back up and realized that walking back up that three-fourths flight of stairs is gonna be a hell of a lot more effort than just walking the quarter of the way down.

And so I'll just walk all the way down. Completely aware of it this time.